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John 3:26-30
Lately I’ve been intrigued by the character and commitment of John the Baptist – in particular, this conversation he has with his followers in John 3:26-30:
26They came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him." 27To this John replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. 28You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' 29The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30He must become greater; I must become less.
The gospel of John tells us that this conversation took place shortly after the John the Baptist baptizes and gives testimony to the ministry of Jesus. As Jesus began his own ministry, many began to leave the ministry of John the Baptist to check out Jesus. John the Baptist’s followers become distressed, as it seems that the ministry the worked so hard is falling to the pits. They bring this complaint before John the Baptist, and He responds with these famous words: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” NASB
Ultimately what it comes down to is that John realizes that it’s not about him. He’s not the main attraction – Jesus is. His purpose is to point to Jesus at all cost, especially at the expense of his own glory.
The Friend
When John the Baptist uses this example of a bridegroom+bride+friend, the picture that comes to mind is something out of a chick flick or Friends/Will&Grace type drama. It never fails that the star female character finds herself about to make her walk to the altar to marry her fiancé when her best male friend (non-fiancé), realizing suddenly that he really loves the bride-to-be and couldn’t imagine life without her, desperately does all he can to confess his love for her before it’s too late and keep this marriage from happening.
Why does he do this? Because the best friend realizes that the whole time he had been outright lying to himself and others when he said that all he wanted was for the best friend to be happy no matter what. Instead, all along he really just wanted his best friend to be happy being WITH HIM.
And for the duration of the dating and engagement period, it almost seems plausible for the bride-to-be to be happy with both the friend and the fiancé in her life. But as the day of the wedding approached, it soon becomes very clear to the friend that one must increase and the other must decrease. The bride cannot be happily married to both the bridegroom and the friend.
I apologize, but this is where everything gets super twisted and messed up: In this journey with God, I have found myself so many times in the position the friend. I’ve grown up knowing full well that we are suppose to follow the example of John the Baptist: pointing everyone we meet to the beauty that comes from knowing Christ, at the cost of my own dignity, emotions, security, etc. This means even being willing to sacrifice the intimacy, approval, and comfort you receive from these relationships for the chance that might know and love God more deeply.
But so often I find myself doing the opposite. Yes, I DO want these people to know and love God BUT I also want these people to know and love ME TOO. Yes, I just want these people I care about to really find true happiness in knowing God, BUT I want that happiness to be WITH ME TOO.
But John the Baptist makes it clear how the attitude of a TRUE FRIEND would be: The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice (v. 29). The TRUE FRIEND is able to let go of his own self-interest and be happy for the incredible happiness bride and bridegroom are about to experience together. Because the TRUE FRIEND really does want what’s best for the bride, and the TRUE FRIEND realizes that what’s best has nothing to do with him but the bridegroom.
The Bride
This happens with all friendships alike, but especially those with my female friends as you can imagine. There was one day where I found a close female friend of mine had gone through a very tough day and was just sulking in her room, depressed with no motivation to move or leave her bed. As the concerned friend I went to visit her, bringing her gifts, goodies, and all the kind+clever+sweet-sounding words I could think of that might cheer her up. I wanted this girl to know she had a friend like me that she could count on to make her feel better. I wanted this girl to know she could be happy with me as her friend.
The Bridegroom
And that’s when the Spirit of God caught me half way through the act, making it painfully clear to me that I didn’t care about this girl’s best, but I was looking out for myself. Because what this girl needed most was NOT to know she had a good friend LIKE ME to depend on BUT that she had a greater friend and lover by the name of Yeshua – Christ, the bridegroom, who she could really depend on and trust and who could really make her happy and give her the peace she desired.
In the end I realized, that I wasn’t helping this girl at all. Instead, I was actually hurting more than I was helping her by trying to deceive her into believing that she could depend on friends and other people for her happiness. I was giving her a false hope and encouraging her cling to her self pity. When all along what this sister really needed was to find God.
The Commitment
This idea is so hard for me because I can’t help but to think “what about me God? What about my needs for friendship, love, companionship, acceptance, glory? When are you going to bless me?” Really there is nothing else I can say about this other than it comes in a lack of faith, trust, and commitment to God and his kingdom.
If only I were able to say as John did about waiting on the bridegroom: That joy is mine, and it is now complete
It’s truly incredible when you think about how much John the Baptist must have been committed to glorifying Jesus (and how me much he must of just straight up loved God) in order to live out such an attitude. Ironically the story seems to only get worse for John the Baptist. Mark chapter 6 tells us that John later finds himself in prison and is eventually beheaded. The man really knew his role as the friend and stuck to it the entire way.
In Psalm 15, verse 1, the writer poses the question:
LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
Who may live on your holy hill?
A view verses down we see in part of his answer:
[He] who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
even when it hurts,
Or a more literal translation:
He swears to his own hurt and does not change - NASB
Am I yearning for the kingdom of God
