Isaiah 6:8-13

Lately I've been thinking what if God were to tell me straight up:

The work you put in your small group (and any other ministry you're a part of) is not going to be personally rewarding or satisfying. The whole time you're laboring, you won't get to see any positive fruit being produced. In fact, the whole time you're participating in this ministry you'll actually witness with great pain as the hearts of all your brothers in Christ grow colder towards God and eventually fall away. But I still want you to do it anyway. I want you to continue to be faithful and keep pursuing

What would I say in response to something like that? Would I still do it? Would I really be able to handle that much pain, frustration, disappointment and continue to be faithful?

But as I look in God's word, he seems to be demanding just that from Isaiah:

⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

⁹ He said, "Go and tell this people:
" 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'

¹⁰ Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes. ^a]">[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."

¹¹ Then I said, "For how long, O Lord?"
And he answered:
"Until the cities lie ruined
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,

¹² until the LORD has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.

¹³ And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land."

-Isaiah 6:8-13

He basically tells Isaiah, "I want you to embark on a fruitless ministry where no one will listen to you (v.9). The words you say will actually make these people more calloused (v.10) . Also this isn't going to be no short term thing (v.11) but I want you to keep on doing it until I say stop. As you do this, you'll get the privilege of seeing your homeland go completely to waste (v. 11-12)

For what purpose? With what guarantee?
... so the holy seed will be the stump in the land." (v.13)

What the heck is that suppose to mean? How completely vague, unsatisfying, unrewarding whatsoever! All I'm to do is plant a seed and not even see what it becomes?! Are you serious?!

But Isaiah does it. And he does it faithfully, trusting God 100% of the ways, completely laying himself down before the Lord. He did it and wrote a whole book about it too.

The idea of planting seeds is so hard because it's all labor, no immediate reward, and all faith in a process that you have no control over nor can you see because it's underground. And even then, there's no guarantee that anything will grow of these seeds, so it could all be in vain. Paul uses the exact same analogy in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 to describe the ministry of leading others to Christ.

To be honest, the thought of going through that completely scares me and I would rather have no part in that. But obedience to God comes without conditions, something I'm still learning. And what God demands of us his just our faithfulness. As one young missionary in Central America wrote:

I go about on fishing boats through the day. At night I sleep on piles of hides on the deck. The people do not seem to be interested in the gospel message I bring. Sometimes the adversary tempts me to discouragement in the face of seeming lack of success... I take courage and press on anew as I remember that God does not hold me responsible for success but for faithfulness.

I want to have a successful small group.
To look back on the year and say "God worked for sure"
To witness people change from believers to disciples
To teach people to thirst for the word
To introduce others to the infinite love of the Father
To experience the joy and satisfaction of knowing "Wow God, you really did work through me"
"Wow God, I did good..."
"Good job Shelton, I knew you were the right man for the job"

I'm learning
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah55:8)
"If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it." (Psalm 50:12)
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)
"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?" (Jeremiah 12:5)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)



I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die...

So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
-Jars of Clay

So lately I've just been feeling really down and discouraged about leading small group. We've had just two meetings, and I already can't help but to feel like a failure. People have fallen asleep, participation is scarce, and it seems like no one is getting anything out of it. I had been really excited about this in the beginning of the year, but now I just feel defeated with no idea where to go or what to do.

On top of all this, I just couldn't help but to feel almost abandoned by God. Here I am trying to serve Him and do His work, but he's not showing up. He's not changing lives, he's not opening hearts, and he's not working through us in spite of our prayers and our best efforts to be faithful.

On the flip-side of this picture, I can't help but to feel like God standing over me with his arms crossed, looking down on me, scowling sarcastically, "Good job Shelton! Way to ruin ANOTHER small group!" It's as if God is just waiting for me to mess up.

And so, here I am just altogether feeling so very far from God, not even able to worship or catch a glimpse of Him in the quiet moments I try to seek Him. The day of our small group meeting is coming closer, and still I have no motivation to do any sort of preparation. All I can do is simply sulking in my spiritual depression.

That's when I vaguely remember God teaching me something about faithfulness this summer. At that moment I couldn't recall why it was important, what good it did, or anything meaningful about it, but I just remembered learning somewhere back down the road that it was important.

So I decided without really any good reason that I was just going to be faithful just because and start preparing my small group lesson against all desire not to. I flipped open my Bible to the next section in Hebrews we were studying in small group, Hebrews 4:14 to 5:10, which was about Jesus as our great high priest. So I went along through the steps - doing my observation, interpretation, etc. when I got to application and realized "wait a second, this passage is speaking to me."

Here I was preparing a bible study about how Jesus is more approachable than we may think and composing questions about how we can rid ourselves of baggage hindering us from seeing Christ this way, and then suddenly I realized I'm the one who needs to fix my perspective and learn how to see Christ for who the Bible says he is: an approachable God who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, who gives mercy and grace to help us in our time of need, who is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, who gave himself as a sacrifice to atone for our sins and become the source of eternal salvation.

It's taken a lot of re-reading Psalm 36, repeating Zephaniah 3:17, and re-singing "Jesus love me this I know for the Bible tells me so" but I think I'm beginning to see that Jesus really isn't against me after all.