So you want a king?

This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the LORD will not answer you in that days. - Samuel the prophet when Israel asks for a king (1 Samuel 8:10-18)

But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles."
- (1 Samuel 8:19-20)

Sometimes I wonder this is the same way we got on board with having God as our king. We asked for his reign hoping he’d “lead us” where we’d want to go, “go out before us” and do the dirty work before we get there, and ultimately “fight our battles” for us so we can sit back and relax.

And for a while it seems to works because God is a merciful and loving king. So healing comes easy. Grace comes cheap. Peace on demand.

For a moment, it might be easy to think that it is we who are kings.

And then we meet the real king, an unrelenting one who refuses to bend his will before ours.

Suddenly healing no longer comes on our terms, but with demands of repentance and obedience.

Suddenly that grace we once felt entitled to comes with the stern call of discipleship.

Suddenly peace is as good as a dream to any who refuse to bend the knee in unconditional surrender.

"How dare this king take as he pleases without consulting my plans and desires?"

The king has claimed his rights.


Remember, you asked for this king. And this king will do what is right and good at the expense of even your personal rights.

NOT THE BRIDEGROOM

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John 3:26-30

Lately I’ve been intrigued by the character and commitment of John the Baptist – in particular, this conversation he has with his followers in John 3:26-30:

²⁶They came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him."
²⁷To this John replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. ²⁸You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' ²⁹The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. ³⁰He must become greater; I must become less.

The gospel of John tells us that this conversation took place shortly after the John the Baptist baptizes and gives testimony to the ministry of Jesus. As Jesus began his own ministry, many began to leave the ministry of John the Baptist to check out Jesus. John the Baptist’s followers become distressed, as it seems that the ministry the worked so hard is falling to the pits. They bring this complaint before John the Baptist, and He responds with these famous words: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” NASB

Ultimately what it comes down to is that John realizes that it’s not about him. He’s not the main attraction – Jesus is. His purpose is to point to Jesus at all cost, especially at the expense of his own glory.

The Friend

When John the Baptist uses this example of a bridegroom+bride+friend, the picture that comes to mind is something out of a chick flick or Friends/Will&Grace type drama. It never fails that the star female character finds herself about to make her walk to the altar to marry her fiancé when her best male friend (non-fiancé), realizing suddenly that he really loves the bride-to-be and couldn’t imagine life without her, desperately does all he can to confess his love for her before it’s too late and keep this marriage from happening.

Why does he do this? Because the best friend realizes that the whole time he had been outright lying to himself and others when he said that all he wanted was for the best friend to be happy no matter what. Instead, all along he really just wanted his best friend to be happy being WITH HIM.

And for the duration of the dating and engagement period, it almost seems plausible for the bride-to-be to be happy with both the friend and the fiancé in her life. But as the day of the wedding approached, it soon becomes very clear to the friend that one must increase and the other must decrease. The bride cannot be happily married to both the bridegroom and the friend.

I apologize, but this is where everything gets super twisted and messed up: In this journey with God, I have found myself so many times in the position the friend. I’ve grown up knowing full well that we are suppose to follow the example of John the Baptist: pointing everyone we meet to the beauty that comes from knowing Christ, at the cost of my own dignity, emotions, security, etc. This means even being willing to sacrifice the intimacy, approval, and comfort you receive from these relationships for the chance that might know and love God more deeply.

But so often I find myself doing the opposite. Yes, I DO want these people to know and love God BUT I also want these people to know and love ME TOO. Yes, I just want these people I care about to really find true happiness in knowing God, BUT I want that happiness to be WITH ME TOO.

But John the Baptist makes it clear how the attitude of a TRUE FRIEND would be: The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice (v. 29). The TRUE FRIEND is able to let go of his own self-interest and be happy for the incredible happiness bride and bridegroom are about to experience together. Because the TRUE FRIEND really does want what’s best for the bride, and the TRUE FRIEND realizes that what’s best has nothing to do with him but the bridegroom.

The Bride

This happens with all friendships alike, but especially those with my female friends as you can imagine. There was one day where I found a close female friend of mine had gone through a very tough day and was just sulking in her room, depressed with no motivation to move or leave her bed. As the concerned friend I went to visit her, bringing her gifts, goodies, and all the kind+clever+sweet-sounding words I could think of that might cheer her up. I wanted this girl to know she had a friend like me that she could count on to make her feel better. I wanted this girl to know she could be happy with me as her friend.

The Bridegroom

And that’s when the Spirit of God caught me half way through the act, making it painfully clear to me that I didn’t care about this girl’s best, but I was looking out for myself. Because what this girl needed most was NOT to know she had a good friend LIKE ME to depend on BUT that she had a greater friend and lover by the name of Yeshua – Christ, the bridegroom, who she could really depend on and trust and who could really make her happy and give her the peace she desired.

In the end I realized, that I wasn’t helping this girl at all. Instead, I was actually hurting more than I was helping her by trying to deceive her into believing that she could depend on friends and other people for her happiness. I was giving her a false hope and encouraging her cling to her self pity. When all along what this sister really needed was to find God.

The Commitment

This idea is so hard for me because I can’t help but to think “what about me God? What about my needs for friendship, love, companionship, acceptance, glory? When are you going to bless me?” Really there is nothing else I can say about this other than it comes in a lack of faith, trust, and commitment to God and his kingdom.

If only I were able to say as John did about waiting on the bridegroom: That joy is mine, and it is now complete

It’s truly incredible when you think about how much John the Baptist must have been committed to glorifying Jesus (and how me much he must of just straight up loved God) in order to live out such an attitude. Ironically the story seems to only get worse for John the Baptist. Mark chapter 6 tells us that John later finds himself in prison and is eventually beheaded. The man really knew his role as the friend and stuck to it the entire way.

In Psalm 15, verse 1, the writer poses the question:

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

A view verses down we see in part of his answer:

[He] who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,

Or a more literal translation:

He swears to his own hurt and does not change - NASB

Am I yearning for the kingdom of God to the point that I’m ready to swear to my own hurt, my own heartbreak, my own disappointment, or –like John– swear to my own earthly destruction?

Isaiah 6:8-13

Lately I've been thinking what if God were to tell me straight up:

The work you put in your small group (and any other ministry you're a part of) is not going to be personally rewarding or satisfying. The whole time you're laboring, you won't get to see any positive fruit being produced. In fact, the whole time you're participating in this ministry you'll actually witness with great pain as the hearts of all your brothers in Christ grow colder towards God and eventually fall away. But I still want you to do it anyway. I want you to continue to be faithful and keep pursuing

What would I say in response to something like that? Would I still do it? Would I really be able to handle that much pain, frustration, disappointment and continue to be faithful?

But as I look in God's word, he seems to be demanding just that from Isaiah:

⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

⁹ He said, "Go and tell this people:
" 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'

¹⁰ Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes. ^a]">[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."

¹¹ Then I said, "For how long, O Lord?"
And he answered:
"Until the cities lie ruined
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,

¹² until the LORD has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.

¹³ And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land."

-Isaiah 6:8-13

He basically tells Isaiah, "I want you to embark on a fruitless ministry where no one will listen to you (v.9). The words you say will actually make these people more calloused (v.10) . Also this isn't going to be no short term thing (v.11) but I want you to keep on doing it until I say stop. As you do this, you'll get the privilege of seeing your homeland go completely to waste (v. 11-12)

For what purpose? With what guarantee?
... so the holy seed will be the stump in the land." (v.13)

What the heck is that suppose to mean? How completely vague, unsatisfying, unrewarding whatsoever! All I'm to do is plant a seed and not even see what it becomes?! Are you serious?!

But Isaiah does it. And he does it faithfully, trusting God 100% of the ways, completely laying himself down before the Lord. He did it and wrote a whole book about it too.

The idea of planting seeds is so hard because it's all labor, no immediate reward, and all faith in a process that you have no control over nor can you see because it's underground. And even then, there's no guarantee that anything will grow of these seeds, so it could all be in vain. Paul uses the exact same analogy in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 to describe the ministry of leading others to Christ.

To be honest, the thought of going through that completely scares me and I would rather have no part in that. But obedience to God comes without conditions, something I'm still learning. And what God demands of us his just our faithfulness. As one young missionary in Central America wrote:

I go about on fishing boats through the day. At night I sleep on piles of hides on the deck. The people do not seem to be interested in the gospel message I bring. Sometimes the adversary tempts me to discouragement in the face of seeming lack of success... I take courage and press on anew as I remember that God does not hold me responsible for success but for faithfulness.

I want to have a successful small group.
To look back on the year and say "God worked for sure"
To witness people change from believers to disciples
To teach people to thirst for the word
To introduce others to the infinite love of the Father
To experience the joy and satisfaction of knowing "Wow God, you really did work through me"
"Wow God, I did good..."
"Good job Shelton, I knew you were the right man for the job"

I'm learning
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah55:8)
"If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it." (Psalm 50:12)
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)
"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?" (Jeremiah 12:5)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)



I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die...

So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
-Jars of Clay

So lately I've just been feeling really down and discouraged about leading small group. We've had just two meetings, and I already can't help but to feel like a failure. People have fallen asleep, participation is scarce, and it seems like no one is getting anything out of it. I had been really excited about this in the beginning of the year, but now I just feel defeated with no idea where to go or what to do.

On top of all this, I just couldn't help but to feel almost abandoned by God. Here I am trying to serve Him and do His work, but he's not showing up. He's not changing lives, he's not opening hearts, and he's not working through us in spite of our prayers and our best efforts to be faithful.

On the flip-side of this picture, I can't help but to feel like God standing over me with his arms crossed, looking down on me, scowling sarcastically, "Good job Shelton! Way to ruin ANOTHER small group!" It's as if God is just waiting for me to mess up.

And so, here I am just altogether feeling so very far from God, not even able to worship or catch a glimpse of Him in the quiet moments I try to seek Him. The day of our small group meeting is coming closer, and still I have no motivation to do any sort of preparation. All I can do is simply sulking in my spiritual depression.

That's when I vaguely remember God teaching me something about faithfulness this summer. At that moment I couldn't recall why it was important, what good it did, or anything meaningful about it, but I just remembered learning somewhere back down the road that it was important.

So I decided without really any good reason that I was just going to be faithful just because and start preparing my small group lesson against all desire not to. I flipped open my Bible to the next section in Hebrews we were studying in small group, Hebrews 4:14 to 5:10, which was about Jesus as our great high priest. So I went along through the steps - doing my observation, interpretation, etc. when I got to application and realized "wait a second, this passage is speaking to me."

Here I was preparing a bible study about how Jesus is more approachable than we may think and composing questions about how we can rid ourselves of baggage hindering us from seeing Christ this way, and then suddenly I realized I'm the one who needs to fix my perspective and learn how to see Christ for who the Bible says he is: an approachable God who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, who gives mercy and grace to help us in our time of need, who is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, who gave himself as a sacrifice to atone for our sins and become the source of eternal salvation.

It's taken a lot of re-reading Psalm 36, repeating Zephaniah 3:17, and re-singing "Jesus love me this I know for the Bible tells me so" but I think I'm beginning to see that Jesus really isn't against me after all.